Room Reassignments: Jude & Felix's Room

Jude & Felix's room

 So, when we first moved into this house, Jude was in a room by himself (because he often woke up crying at night and it seemed he needed his own space), but increasingly he showed interest in being with the other two, and they were all excited about the prospect of putting the bunk beds back together. So we did, and I got a craft room - it was lovely! They all seemed to enjoy being together, there were a few snow days that Dan used the other room to work, I had a place for all my crafty stuff... For the past couple of months, though, it wasn't going so well to have them all together in one room. Henry is so clearly at a different developmental phase now from the other two, and often complained of them waking him up (which they did!), so we decided to give him his own room.  We rearranged everything yesterday afternoon. It's going well so far - they all slept through the night (at least mostly), there was only one child in our bed this morning, and Henry was he first to wake us up at 7 am!

Artwork: Caterpillar & the boys' names, both by Henry, below the airplane lamp that was Dan's as a child

Jude's Bed

Vintage dresser from Salvation Army & Ikea crate we hand-stained pre-kids!

Felix's bed (just the crib without the drop side, he hasn't slept in it yet, ha!)

Felix's Dresser, a vintage CL find

Book Nook with thrifted dollhouse for the books & the Ole Nursing Rocker for cuddling

 Tomorrow (or whenever I get around to it)...Henry's room!

Our "first day"

 "While the changing of the seasons is a slow and gradual transition, it does seem as though there is always a First Day, the first day on which the scale tipped and more of our time is spent out of doors than in, the first day on which jackets are shed, the first day on which we spy crocuses beginning to appear under the debris that winter left behind..." -Amanda Blake Soule

Although the crocuses have been coming up for a week or two now, Monday was definitely the first day that we spent more time outdoors than in (we only went inside for quiet time and then right back out again). It's wonderful to be outside for more than a few freezing minutes at a time!

Playing with Baxter, our next-door neighbor's dog (since Delilah is too sophisticated to play fetch)

Henry and Jude climbed up a tree to play with Henry's new bow and arrow set

A neighbor's cat joined Henry and Jude in the tree

Our first picnic of 2013!

And then Henry lost his first tooth!

I was already tucking this day away in my mind and heart as a memorable one, but of course Henry losing his first tooth made it even more special. He came up to me later that afternoon, leaned in close and whispered, "Mommy, I'm a big boy now!"

Best Get Well Card Ever

On Sunday, I was feeling lousy enough from the cold I've had that I actually stayed in bed most of the morning. As this is virtually unheard of for mommy, Henry was concerned, and brought me this get well card:

This totally made my day. I seriously felt so much better every time I looked at it. Just what a get well card should do, right?

I also meant to include in the previous post the schedule Henry and I made together for last week. He referred to it often throughout the week, and it seemed to be very helpful for him.

One other reflection on our homeschooling journey so far: I've been waking up every morning so excited to see Henry and spend the day with him - I remember feeling this way when he was a newborn. Of course I love being with Jude and Felix equally, but when Henry was in school it felt like we had almost no time together, even less of it "quality" time, so I'm thrilled to have that back.

Our first week of Homeschooling

Our first week of homeschooling was full of peace, joy, and loads of quality time together. I am happy to report that Henry is back to his usual affectionate, loving, creative self, and I have no doubt that we made the right decision.

(An aside - I hope I didn't give the wrong impression before - we had already decided on homeschooling for many, many reasons; the negative socialization at Henry's school and the way it was affecting his personality and behavior was just the reason we started NOW instead of next year.)

Henry made pictures with and for Felix and Jude on Monday morning.

I tried to make Henry's first week of homeschooling as special and memorable as possible, so I planned a few special events. On Sunday, I took him out to get some new art materials, which (as I predicted) kept him happily engaged in constructive writing and creating all week.

Monday, March 4
We started the morning off with some games and playtime, then Nana came over to play with the boys while Dan and I met with the director of the school to inform her we were withdrawing the boys from school. Henry and I spent time together in the afternoon creating "Nature Journals" with some notebooks we bought on our trip to the craft store the day before. We had a great time decorating the covers. I'm trying to use the time in the afternoon while Felix is sleeping and Jude is having his quiet time to spend some quality time with Henry - so far, we've been crafting together, and Henry really looks forward to this time each day.

The covers of our nature journals

Henry made this for me to put on the back cover - see the crocuses?

Tuesday, March 5
After some morning playtime, we went back to the craft store to replace something we got on Sunday that had broken. We got Henry a new notebook and he got one for his friend T as well. (I love being able to sit down and play a game of checkers and read some books after breakfast instead of rushing everyone out the door and into the car to school!)

Henry's friend T came over with her mom; we all had dinner together. T's mom went to class while T stayed and spent the night! The two spent the evening making potions and other creations, and at bedtime created a pallet of blankets on the floor in the craft room and kept the space heater woodstove on all night as a night light. It was adorable. T decided to use the new notebook we got her as a journal, and Henry followed suit - since then, there have been tons of journal entries (usually one sentence with a picture labeled with the date on top). It was a joy to see how Henry learned this new skill from a friend, and it turned into great reading, writing, and spelling practice for him.

Wednesday, March 6
Slush day! We played outside for a while in the morning but eventually we were SO wet that we had to go inside. T read to the boys, we played some games, more art and potions...it was a great day.

Thursday, March 7
We had what Henry labeled a "stay at home" day. We cheated a little - after spending the morning at home, we went to pick up our Friends & Farms food basket and then went to Whole Foods to pick up a few things. I was apprehensive to arrive right at lunchtime, but we really needed those things so I decided to go anyway - I lucked out as they had a "Giving Grill" set up so we got hotdogs and burgers for lunch which we ate in the cafe. Again I was so thankful to have Henry with us instead of at school.

Friday, March 8
My parents came over and took the boys to Port Discovery! They had a great time, and I got to visit the chiropractor and take Delilah to Atwaters where she got tons of love and I got to enjoy my lunch in peace!

In our many homeschooling days ahead, I know there will be ones that are challenging or downright bad. I am just thankful that our first week was so positive and full of special moments to remember.

Homeschooling, Day One.

As of today, I am officially a homeschooling mama. It’s something I’ve been considering since before Henry was born, and I remember saying to people even when he was a baby that I thought he would be homeschooled, but when people asked why, I didn’t know how to answer them. Now I have my answer.

We tried school, several different schools, in fact. Each time we found there was one or more children creating a negative social atmosphere that affected Henry to the point that it seriously affected him emotionally and we felt we had to remove him from the situation. Of course, in retrospect, I wish I had had the confidence to homeschool from the very beginning, but Henry is an extremely social child, and at the time, Jude and Felix were so little, so I was largely confined to the house for naptimes, and felt I wasn’t able to give Henry what he needed in terms of interaction with the outside world, so school seemed like a good solution, even if only until the little guys got bigger.

It turns out that Henry’s personality is a very interesting and I think pretty unique combination of being very extroverted/social and also quite sensitive. None of his teachers have understood this about him, though I made a point to explain it to each of them at the beginning of each school year, as well as throughout the year as issues arose. Through these school experiences, I have come to realize that although he needs a good amount of social interaction, it’s best for him when I’m there to observe and help out when needed. Also, now that his brothers are older and are becoming viable playmates, he’s quite content to play at home much of the time with them instead of constantly thinking about other kids to play with.

I had really hoped we could make it through this year, but unfortunately there are several kids in Henry’s class who are bullying and teasing many of the kids, including Henry. He was coming home from school an emotional mess, and he was a different child on school vs. non-school days. After school, he was rude, disrespectful, aggressive, had frequent meltdowns, and complained often of stomachaches. In the past few weeks, he had even begun to make statements like “I’m a stupid dummyhead,” “I wish I had never been born,” “Don’t touch me, I don’t exist,” and he was also hitting himself in the head occasionally. It was awful. I shared my concerns with the teacher and director several times throughout the fall, and at a meeting in mid-January and again in mid-February. They responded defensively and didn’t make any changes that would help Henry be more successful and feel better about himself. In fact, they pretty much said they didn’t believe me because they weren’t seeing these issues at school, and intimated that I must be doing something wrong at home to set him off after school.

I agonized over the decision to pull him out, but after consulting with many friends and professionals, we had finally decided on Saturday it needed to happen. I had bought myself some time by telling him it’s spring break this week (although it’s really next week), and was feeling pretty anxious about how to tell him he wasn’t gong back. (Even despite all of the adversity, he insisted he wanted to keep going. A child psychologist who knows him well said that didn’t surprise him at all, because Henry is eternally optimistic and always sees the best in people, so he really woke up every morning expecting the situation to improve.)

And then, yesterday, I witnessed the most incredible catharsis. Something I’ve noticed that really improves the dynamic in our relationship is taking him out for some one on one time, especially to get him new art supplies. I took him out for the afternoon, and as we had lunch and ran errands together, he talked through all his feelings about school (he brought it up, not me) and came to the conclusion himself, without me hardly saying anything other than validating and affirming his feelings, that he does not want to return to school. It was amazing to see how he talked and worked though the issue.

At the craft store, he had chosen to spend some of his allowance money on a notebook that has a special pen and paper that looks rainbow-y when you write on it. He proceeded to make a series of drawings, each one labeled thus:

Page 1: I love my mommy, Felix, Jude, daddy

Page 2: I like my friends (he drew a picture of 4 people he considers to be his “real” friends, not the kids at school who were being mean to him)

Page 3: I love Daddy

Page 4: I love Mommy

Page 5: I love Jude

Page 6: I love Felix

Page 7: I love my self

Page 8: I love my home

Page 9: Bullies are going to be punched in the face.

I think that says it all.

Although I’m disappointed that we weren’t able to work things out with the school, I think this was a great learning experience for Henry about who your true friends are, what makes a person a good friend, and when a person really isn’t your friend. The pictures he drew last night show he’s really clear on that. And I’m thrilled to have my sweet boy back.

Advent 2012

The tragic events of last Friday have served as a poignant reminder to me that nothing in this life is guaranteed. I am so grateful for each moment of every day with my precious boys. Here is how we spent our days this Advent season.

On the first Sunday of Advent, I went (all by myself!) to a wreath-making workshop at the Oregon Ridge Nature Center, one of my favorite places in this area. I was the only one who made an advent wreath - I dug through the boxes of stuff they had there until I came upon exactly 4 candleholders. It was meant to be.

Jude and Felix helped me set out the gorgeous Nativity set that Dan's mom made for us. They love those camels.

We picked up these discarded branches and trunk pieces for free when we got our tree, and they smell amazing in the woodstove. (I took the boys by myself because Dan is working so hard to finish his dissertation we decided he couldn't spare the time to come with us this year.)

 Making ornaments...until today these were all we had on the tree!

The handmade stockings are another amazing gift from Dan's mom...

 Henry, of course, has been making all kinds of Christmas-related art.

 Chocolate Thumbprints, Henry's favorite cookie and a Christmas tradition around here...

Most of us have been sick for most of the month, Jude and Felix worst of all. They are still pretty snotty/coughing/low fevers on and off. We've made the best of it with lots of snuggle time in our bed watching Christmas movies.

The other big project this month besides the Christmas cards was preparing gifts to mail to family and friends. We finally sent them off on Friday!

 We made Gingerbread playdough on Thursday. The boys, of course, LOVED it. I tripled the recipe so we could send some to our friends.

 Gingerbread for sale...

On Friday we went to the B & O railroad museum. Henry wrote a letter to Santa, we saw the holiday train displays, and everyone made some pictures.

 We had a wonderfully relaxing pajama day today. Dan baked up a storm, and I made Peppermint Bark for the first time! I also finished Felix's owl ornament, and we finally put the ornaments on the tree. Now I need to make ornaments for Jude and Henry, and finish a few other things.

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